for submission for money

ten rugby life hacks

1-keep your head on a swivel...

 like a bobblehead
(BUY BOBBLES HERE TO SUPPORT YOUTH RUGBY)
 in a 64
in compton
 throbbing with the bassline of the latest CLUB BANGER

pain can come from any direction at any moment

there are people like this guy

looking to remove your head at the neck 

2-getback on your feet- rugby will knock you down like life, but rugby is played on your feet, other wise you are part of the field and will betreated as such.

3-move that pile- a shark is always moving forward, so should you. The pile is your life. Are you going forward or backward?

4-communicate with your team-

5-you play as hard as you train. Rugby practice is as important as a game. You play like you practice, if there are no tempers flaring in your rucks then your team rucks like pussies and you probably suck at rugby. There should be grunts and growling, but no biting, save that for saturday!

6.build your rugby temple solidly to weather the tempest of gameday. Shoulders need to be muscled. Muscle is a great shock absorber. You should be running 5-10 miles at east twice a week if you are an a-side player

7.recruit,recruit,recruit-there should be 25-ish a-side players on your team. Injuries happen and the season is long and brutal

8.ifyou are a prop it is your job to be a dick. Be great at your job. Be a constant distraction to the other team, get in their head, blow your nose on your hand and wipe it in your hair before a scrum, grab peoples lovehandles and twist in rucks and mauls, tackle with a closed fist and is they have a choice of your shoulder in the gut or an accidental fist to the head. Grab the scrum and fly half into rucks annd hold them in there. Land on people in every tackle like a tae kwon do master. Take tae kwon do, learn MMA pressure points, ITS LIKE AN NBC INFOMERCIAL, THE MORE YOU KNOW...

9.play sevens as much as possible until you know how to put people away and score yourself, learn to dummy, kick and chase, have fun. Many times teams put their new people on the wings, test them with kicks to see.

10. rugby queens are now protected by law. To select one is a hate crime. Be careful in your post match pillaging. Get marron 5 to write some modern rugby songs. Learn JIM JONES at least, or you will be embarrassed when the other team starts singing and all you know as a team is the theme from friends...

USE MY MANY TALENTS TO TURN YOUR RUGBY TEAM INTO........

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WISH YOU HAD TIME FOR

 

DREAM PROJECTS

FUNDRAISING WITH OOMPF

I AM READY TO OPEN A 

 

POKER DEALER/MODELING/TEMP AGENCY

TO BENEFIT YOUTH RUGBY

ILL START WITH YOU

WHAT MONTH DO YOU NEED ME THERE?

ILL NEED 500 IN TRAVELING MONEY 

AND A PLACE TO HANG MY HAMMOCK

IVE DOWNSIZED

HORSE TALK- WHO KNEW HE WAS A BETTER WRITER THAN ME?

   STEALING HORSE'S FACEBOOK POST MAGIC!

Chris Quattrocchi added 4 new photos.
1 hr ·
"PRIDE GOETH BEFORE A FALL"
Well damn. Learned this lesson many times over, and yet rugby, and the world in general for that matter, loves to throw helpful little reminders of this fact at me from time to time.
If there is anything out there that can piss a person off more than this sport, I sure as Hell don't know what it is.
I could say that we're really awesome but we took them too lightly and played way too many bench players. I can use that as a crutch. But at the end of the day, the scoreboard does not lie. We had a nice lead as expected, but turned on the cruise control too early and got stung by one point. Do I think High Country is as good as us? Absolutely not. Not even close in fact. But my hat's off to them, because they obviously wanted it a little more than we did on Saturday by scoring at the buzzer and stealing a one point win.
POSITIVES TO TAKE AWAY:
1.) I held good on my post from last Friday. Ripped the ball from a High Country player and inadvertently almost took his arm with it. *See pic below (I honestly hope the guy's okay though)
2.) I'll take ANYTHING over boring or bland. And losing this one was EXCRUCIATING. It's just nice to know I can still feel things as strongly as I always have. Going to cherish and use this pain until I can give it back.
3.) Glad someone decided to take a team picture after this one so we can remember how it felt and not half ass it again. *Probably the most miserable looking team pic I've ever been in. LOL!!
4.) Although my face looks like it's been beaten with the "rugly" stick for the last 2 months, I feel pretty good considering the groin tear, the broken hand, and the flaming achilles. Ready to rock in the playoffs.
5.) My Brothers from Gwinnett did an excellent job rising to the occasion and putting a spanking on Old White. Very proud of those boys. And my apologies to Moose for acting like a hormonal, pissed off teenager after our game and not sending much in the way of congratulations their way. AWESOME JOB LIONS! I mean that.




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BITING RUGBY PLAYERs

rugby players bitten - 2  ......(on average one every 15 years)

mexicans bitten-1   
     
  I bit a Mexican at 6 PM before jumping from a moving taxi-moto.
“Tranquility Base, Godzilla has landed.”
Bloody footprints on my bathroom floor this morning. Maybe these new friends of mine are a metaphorical bloody step in the wrong direction. My cool tire tread sandals were destroyed when I jumped, so I had to walk barefoot until I found another cab. Bright red blood drops on the floor of the cab. Almost neon. Mayan blood sacrifice.
I hit the street upright, but my sandals failed and I had to tuck and roll, gashing my big toe. I was Steve McQueen for a half of a second, James friggn Bond, then I limited the damage. Rugby teaches you how to survive falls. Rugby teaches violence. My new amigos saw both my knee zippers from the surgeries and I heard them explaining rugby to each other in their stupid secret language. I thought we were good. I thought our roles were defined.
“Que es significa asshole?” So I had to demonstrate to them what an asshole was. I explained to them that my job on the rugby team was to be an aggressive asshole. That as long as I was an aggressive asshole on saturdays, I always had a job to go to on monday. Hakuna Matata. That term, they knew. I explained what an azzhole was by cranking up my aggression, “what are you looking at....., are you talking to me?.... I don't see anyone else here.....what did you just say.... you fat faced faggot?” This prompted the mexican boxing champion to bring out a puppy. A cute blonde lab.
They like to tell me “take it easy” down here.
I thought I had investigated most of my violent potentialities via the healthy outlet that is rugby. My power drinking was done with other alpha males, post mayhem. That was the key. Mayhem first, beer to follow.
A good friend of mine said to study yourself, and this I am doing now. Maybe I need a better understanding of the language. Maybe no more afternoon loads?
This will be the first of a series I will call CULTURAL DIFFERENCES.
It sure sounded like a joke.
Three teachers and one dudes pop, shooting the shit in the back yard. Drinking quarts and eating excellent Chicharrones. The one dude hilariously indicates that he has effed his father (or his father has effed him) TWICE today. Another teacher shares the idea that the small potent peppers called “chile mash” might be the secret. I make a joke about not needing viagra with all of the natural vitamins available in the garden and the conversation turns away from incest with the sure curative power of humor.
I am a funny dude,but I can't ever see me drinking with my dad and sharing stories of our recent forbidden love trysts. It would not happen. Cultural differences. A different path in the woods, not taken. We have family friends who lived that forbidden love. They all still show up with poker faces and avoid each other at family functions and my discomfort is minimal compared to their life time of it.
So I roll.
I am not an expert on families or forgiveness, but I have seen it in action. I deeply respect the effort to make nice and understand the reasons, but still...long, those years...the horror of realization...the decision to keep it in the family...the ultimate power of family.
So the mexican boxing champion is hand fighting with me in the cab. And this is after I have made this clear with these guys, on multiple occasions. I told them “NO TOCAR el INGLISH”. I have also indicated my willingness to bite. Told them of the ”linea” I draw. Told them that they can “disfruta tu vida”, enjoy your life, but enjoy your life without touching the english teacher. Explaining the concept of “espacio personal”, personal space (they switch the adjective and nouns position here just to confuse me deeper. )
Maybe I am just a bad teacher. I do not remember another time I bit a dude that wasn't on a rugby field. If I keep living here I will have to start a rugby team. Maybe have a tournament. Invite some Cubans and some Philly dudes. Teach kids the place of pain and purposeful violence.
So that was yesterday, today is supposed to be the beach, but maybe the biting has changed those plans....cultural differences....